Sedef's Parenting Corner

Let's raise kids who are happily themselves but not a copy of anyone who looks popular...

2012-01-30T22:55:00.000-11:00

"There is something inside you that has NEVER been expressed before. There is a unique style, a huge love, a wonderful creativity and something eternal within you! Don't ruin this precious gift by thinking you should be a carbon copy of someone else. Be you and you will have all the protection and happiness you can imagine!"

- Jackson Kiddard, author & polymath.

This is the very reason why I love teaching "Connection Parenting"

2012-01-15T07:25:00.004-11:00

"Many children are less physically and emotinally healthy than they could be. The current epidemic of childhood 'obesity' suggests that children are overfed but probably undernourished...
What is a succesful child?
A child who's happy, well adjusted, and morally grounded... a succesful child is an attached child-connected not just to family, but to the world beyond."
William Sears, MD and Martha Sears, RN
From "The Succesful Child"

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2012-01-02T00:03:00.000-11:00

Have you seen this video? If not please do, it is my new year's gift for all of us.

I watched this video crying and trembling... How excruciating the pain this young boy had been going through that he was cutting himself. How hard bullying hurts! How important it is to be 'me-just the way i am'. How important it is to be accepted! How hard it hurts when we are not connected to friends and family! How loneliness leads to despair... BUT turning the pain into connection by willing to be honest with feelings and coming out with vulnerability is amazing. He was painfully well in touch with his needs to be accepted as he is and being connected. His strength came out of this realization. If you can read what he wrote under the video, you will receive the good news of what happened after he has posted this video.

I hope 2012 will bring us more chances to be ourselves. I hope it will bring us acceptance and connection into our lives more than ever.

With my warmest good wishes,

Sedef

A new article from Psychology Today on babies and crying

2011-12-12T20:49:00.001-11:00

This is a great new article by Darcia Narvaez, Ph.D.
If you heart and mind splits in two different sides between your mother's, friend's, mother-in-law or on some expert idea of letting your baby cry it out... and having a feeling that it is actually wrong! This is the article to read:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/moral-landscapes/201112/dangers-crying-it-out

How do babies think?

2011-12-07T19:47:00.001-11:00

I posted a link about Alison Gopnik's book 'The Philosophical Baby' awhile ago. Now I would like to share the link for her TED talk. It is amazing to see how our brains start learning very early on in life! This is a very informative and lively speech. Thank you Alison Gopnik for reminding us how important it is to be able think like children without any judgements and limitations.So here's the link: http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/en/alison_gopnik_what_do_babies_think.html

“Love can only be experienced in the present.” Naomi Aldort author of “Raising Our Children Raising Ourselves”

2011-12-06T22:06:00.001-11:00

An interesting article... and food for thought!

2011-12-06T09:57:00.001-11:00

'TECHNOLOGY
Online Learning, Personalized
By SOMINI SENGUPTA
Published: December 4, 2011
At least 36 schools nationwide are combining teacher-led lessons with computer-based lectures and exercises using a software program based on Salman Khan’s popular YouTube lessons.'

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/12/05/technology/khan-academy-blends-its-youtube-approach-with-classrooms.html

Father's Day...

2011-06-17T22:17:00.002-11:00

It is Father's Day tomorrow :)

My Father's Day gift for all the fathers, all expecting fathers and father figures of no biological connection... is Fazil Say's Ballade #2-KUMRU (the dove)-. Fazil Say composed this ballade for her beloved daughter Kumru. His expressions tell all his love, and the tune he plays warms hearts with his parental love for his daughter. Thank you dear Fazil Say for being who you are and cherishing fatherhood!

Happy Father's Day...

Photo: http://www.redbubble.com/people/mstinak/art/2957504-father-dove-with-young

Just about love :)

2011-06-16T02:32:00.004-11:00

This came via email from my lovely friend Elif :) It is so lovely, I wanted to share... If you don't have much time please scroll down to read at least the very last one!!!

"What Love means to a 4-8 year old...

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to
8 year-olds ,

'What does love mean?'

The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined

See what you think:

'When my grandmother got arthritis , she couldn't bend over and paint
her toenails anymore.. So my grandfather does it for her all the time
, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.'

Rebecca- age 8

'When someone loves you , the way they say your name is different.
You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.'

Billy - age 4

'Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne
and they go out and smell each other.'

Karl - age 5

'Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French
fries without making them give you any of theirs.'

Chrissy - age 6

'Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.'

Terri - age 4

'Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip
before giving it to him , to make sure the taste is OK.'

Danny - age 7

'Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of
kissing , you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy
and Daddy are like that.
They look gross when they
kiss'

Emily - age 8

'Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents
and listen.'

Bobby - age 7

'If you want to learn to love better , you should start with a friend
who you hate , '

Nikka - age 6

'Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt , then he wears it everyday.'

Noelle - age 7

'Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still
friends even after they know each
other so well.'

Tommy - age 6

'During my piano recital , I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked
at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.

He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore.'

Cindy - age 8

'My mommy loves me more than anybody
You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.'

Clare - age 6

'Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.'

Elaine-age 5

'Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone
all day.'

Mary Ann - age 4

'I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old
clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.'

Lauren - age 4

'When you love somebody , your eyelashes go up and down and little
stars come out of you.'

Karen - age 7

'You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you
mean it , you should say it a lot. People forget.'

Jessica - age 8
And the final one

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an
elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.

Upon seeing the man cry , the little boy went into the old gentleman's
yard , climbed onto his lap , and just sat there.

When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor , the little boy said ,

'Nothing , I just helped him cry'"

Photo: luigi diamanti

Parenting Responsively for Connection - Excerpt from Lesa Day

2011-06-13T19:34:00.003-11:00

It is my great pleasure today to be the host on Day 6 of the Virtual Book Tour for the E-Book Parenting Responsively for Connection. Written by 10 of ACPI Parenting Coaches for parents to deal with the some difficult tasks of building and maintaining connection with kids.

The Virtual Book Tour started on June 6^th, and the first host blog was: Heartwiseparent.com/blog . It is planned to continue our tour till the end of this month. Each blog posts different excerpts from the book and gives valuable information. The next stop will be tomorrow Metaphysical Mom (and Dad).

Today please enjoy this book excerpt written by Lesa Day and for those who’d like the Kindle version here’s the link: http://tinyurl.com/3kf4vcp

Influencing Character Through Connection

How Positive Discipline and Good Leadership Develops Character

Everyday your child is being molded into the person they will become. This molding is a result of the influences around them and the actions, habits and behaviors that are being reinforced in your home.

Think about it for a moment? When you walk into a room and the people radiate warmth and enthusiasm, what affect does this have on you? For most emotionally healthy individuals, it would have a positive one. Now consider you walk into your child's room. What kind of influence are you having on your child? What types of behavior do you show him is acceptable? What habits are you reinforcing for him to be successful?

Break the question down even further and ask yourself:

How am I helping to build my child's social skills?

Am I conveying to my child education is important?

Am I modeling how to appropriately respond to difficult situations?

What role am I playing in molding my child into the person he'll become?

The answer to these questions is important.

Children gauge their emotional responses to situations based on how you respond. The first time you leave your child with a babysitter, for example, if you convey to your child that you trust the caregiver, that the situation is safe and that you are completely comfortable, chances are your child will feel the same way. Why? Your child has learned to trust and relate to your responses. Based on your history together, he's figured out that when you're calm, things are okay and when you're not, something just isn't right.

Children also learn how to respond to situations based on how they see your respond to similar ones. From simple things like saying "God bless you" when someone sneezes, to more complex situations, like using your words, rather than your hands when you're angry, your child has learned, by watching you, appropriate responses to everyday situations.

Not surprisingly, children even learn their value system based on what you value. They learn what's important by watching how you spend your time. Do you spend time reading? If so, your child will learn that spending time with your nose in a book, is a good thing to do.

Consider the kind of character you want your child to have as an adult and ask yourself, what am I doing today to help develop this through my daily interactions with my son or daughter?

The Power of Your Influence

Honestly, I promise you it's true and had it not happen to me personally. I would only think it happens on television (like on America’s Funniest Home Videos) or in movies to bring laughter to the audience. Can you picture it? Walking to the library, hand in hand with a two year old child, and kerplunk, amazed by the happenings in the parking lot construction area, she loses her focus, steps over the coned off barrier directly into wet cement. Yes, we are both covered in cement. While in the moment, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, I did know that how I responded would significantly affect how my child responded.

My immediate response was, "Whoops a daisy" followed by "Hmm, sweetheart I think we’ll need to wait to go into the library. We'll go back home and clean up a bit and then come back".

Waiting to see her response, I wasn't surprised that she too was completely calm and amazed at what had happened. But she was also curious, and lifted up her hand to take a closer look at the cement. When I could see she was eager and ready to taste it, I responded with a calm "no, babe we don’t eat that, it’s all sorts of dirt and we need to clean it off," and was able to redirect her focus to going home to get cleaned up.

We headed back to the car, prepared to take off her coat and pants to avoid making a mess of her car seat. At this point, I was laughing so hard and half in shock about what had happened, I couldn't stop. In between hysterics, I gently explained step by step, what I was about to do (because of course she's never been in the car sans pants!) and you know what? While she wasn't laughing, she was okay with it.

While some children may have responded in tears, upset that they had to leave the library and distressed over being covered in dirty, gloppy cement, she was okay with it. Why? Because she knew I was okay.

Now, I could have responded differently. In fact, inside, I probably wanted to. If I had I freaked out and responded in an upset and excitable manner, the situation would have got worse and become a situation much bigger than it had to be. Fortunately, because I was aware that my reaction would impact her reaction, I was able to keep it light hearted, matter of fact and as a result, was able to prevent a bad situation from getting worse.

In times of unexpected situations or stressful times, how do you react? What example are you setting for your child based on your reaction? Can you find humor when things go wrong? Are you calm in the midst of it all?

Each and every time you find yourself in a less than ideal situation, you have the opportunity to build good character in your child simply based on your response.

Influence Lasts a Lifetime

Through the influence of others, your child is bombarded with ideas about how to act, speak, dress and treat others. As a parent, it's important that you consider who has influence over your child and the type of influence they have.

Have you ever thought about?

Who your child considers a role model?

If the people your child spends time with are positive influences?

How powerful influence can be?

Recently I had a wonderful opportunity to visit New England and watch a boys’ baseball team play a big game. The children on the team ranged in ages between 9-12 years old. What a phenomenal example of unity and enthusiasm I saw amongst these young players. You would have thought you were at the World Series the way these kids were cheering each other on from the bench. One team member would holler, "let's get fired up!" and the rest of the team with follow through with the chant. You couldn't help but catch the enthusiasm and chant along with them from the stands. During this game there no negative talk - amongst or between teams. The parents and family members watching were equally encouraging towards all of the players. Watching these kids, my spirit was lifted immensely, as I have traveled all over this country and never had I seen such displays of unity and enthusiasm within a team of boys that young.

While the team ended the first half of the season undefeated, the second game of the second half, they lost by a few runs. Naturally, the boys were discouraged by their first loss of the season. In their moment of discouragement, the kids suggested they switch things up and play in different positions for the next game. They egged the coach on to play in the positions they wanted to play in, rather than in the ones the coach assigned them. As the players started their next game, I immediately noticed that the coach had indeed allowed the players to pick their own positions. It became quickly (and painfully) obvious that most of the younger players were out on the field and the older ones were on the bench cheering them on.

Now I don't have to tell you that the older boys were better players, if for no other reason than they have more experience. By the end of the 4th inning (out of 6), the team was behind 11-4 and they were not happy. The coach decided to put the players back into their proper positions so that the kids could see what happens when the right players are in the best positions. The team came back, only to lose by one run.

After the game I listened closely as the coach led the postgame discussion. It went something like this: "Boys, you played a great game today. Most of the younger ones played and there were only a few errors. Not bad, but I want you to understand something about the team. A good team is like a well-oiled machine. It has parts that make it function at its best and you can't move those parts around or the machine won't work properly. The same thing happens here when we're playing this game. Each of you has a position on the team where you play your best. When you play your best, it allows the team to function at its best. When you start changing it all around. We lose the best performance of the team. I let you pick your positions today because I wanted you to see what happens to the team when you don't have a plan or a strategy for the game. You need to trust your coach who has his eyes on the whole team and knows what's best for everybody."

We can all agree that this coach was a positive influence in the lives of these boys. He wasn't as concerned about winning, as much as he was with teaching those kids life lessons. In a few short innings, he instilled into these children the importance of teamwork, doing your best and looking at the big picture. What a great influence he had on his team!

Parents, teachers, mentors and coaches have the opportunity to positively influence our children and instill good character. Don't miss out on your opportunity. If you notice someone isn't having a positive influence on your child. Take action. Influence lasts a lifetime.

What is Your Child's Motivational Switch?

One of the key factors in influencing children to take responsibility for their behaviors is to find their motivational switch. A child's motivational switch is what stops them from making wrong choices and motives them to do the right thing. Like with the flip of the switch on a train track, a motivational switch determines what direction your child will go on any given path.

Consider what the key motivators are for your son doing his homework and striving for A's in his classes? Perhaps he gets a special reward if he makes honor roll or loses a privilege if he doesn't.

Think about why your child does the chores you assigned her. Maybe she does it because she wants her allowance or she does it because she doesn't want to lose her TV time.

Depending on the child, and sometimes even the specific situation at hand, it could be a positive or negative reinforcement that launches your child into action. For example, one child may do his homework without any reminders because he truly wants to do well in school and be a straight A student. Another child may be disciplined to do his homework to avoid being grounded.

A few years ago, I was working with a 6-year-old boy and there was no doubt about it that saving money was his motivational switch. This 6 year old walked around like Donald Trump. He would flash all the bills in his wallet, but when you asked him how he wanted to spend it, he went silent. This child didn't want to spend his money. Wise beyond his years, he seemed to know that saving money was a good thing.

One spring day, we were playing in the puddle in the driveway, splashing around and having a grand old time. This was until he, we will call him John, decided to get creative and make a bad choice.

John decided there wasn't enough water in the puddle he was playing in, so in he goes to the garage to get two bottles of spring water. Yes, you guessed it. Off went the tops and he poured them into the puddle (or so it seemed from the empty bottles sitting next to his scooter). Now John understands that this isn't acceptable behavior. He's 6 years old, doing second grade math and knows from previous conversations that bottled water costs money.

When I asked John about the empty water bottles next to his scooter, he played innocent and didn't confess to what he'd done. Fortunately his big sister was there and gladly provided a playback of what's she'd just seen.

I had John come in from outside and asked him where his wallet was. He told me it was upstairs, so off I went to get it. When I returned, I handed him his wallet and asked him to give me $2.00 for the bottles of water that he wasted. I explained that the money would go towards reimbursing his parents for the cost of the water bottles. He passed me the money and I told him that if he wasted water like that again, the cost of the water would go up. Never did he waste water again.

When you know what drives your child, you're able to influence him to succeed and to make good choices by flipping on his motivational switch. And with it on, you'll find cooperation and doing the right thing, comes a little easier.

Sports and Character Building: What Kind of Teamwork is Your Child Learning?

Consider some of the tough situations you've encountered with your child. Maybe your daughter got kicked off the cheerleading squad or your son didn't make the JV baseball team.

There are times as parents that we see our children fall down, strike out, or lose a friend. These times are not easy to witness, but they are essential for our children to mature and become people of great character.

While it can be tempting to sweep these kinds of situations under the rug, don't. How you react towards these tough situations will influence how your child reacts.

With each tough situation, comes a learning opportunity that you don't want to miss. When your son doesn't make the cut, you have the opportunity to teach him how to handle bad news gracefully, to focus on the journey rather than the destination and to reinforce how much you love him and that you're his number one fan, regardless of if his name appears on a roster. These are lessons that he's going to hold on to for a lifetime.

When you see a group of kids working together to reach a common goal, does it excited you? It does me! There's something to be said when kids value teamwork. So many of the lessons kids glean from sports are deeper than the mechanics of the game.

Some of these are that:

Kids learn to take risks, like when a child steals third base in hopes of scoring the winning run.

They learn the power of shrugging it off and getting back into the game, when things don't look good.

They learn the art of good sportsmanship- how to win and lose gracefully.

They learn the power of persistence and the important of practice.

They learn to be a good encourager.

They learn to work with people who are different than them.

They learn to strive towards group goals.

They learn how to be coached and molded into the best they can be.

And how are these lessons learned? By the influence of their coach, parents and teammates, a child learns to take risks when a coach encourages him to do so. A child learns to shake hands with the winning team, when the coach sets the example and goes first. A child learns to try again, when he sees that his parents don't give up.

It's never easy for a parent to see their child on the "losing" team. But consider the life lessons your child learns when he is. Consider how your influence affects how he will handle tough situations in the future.

Do Your Children See Contentment in You?

As I travel around the country, it seems that I see contentment most often in our young children and in our elders. I see it in children who are simply running and playing in yard for hours and in the elderly who are simply sitting and swinging on a porch swing. While young kids and the elderly have decades between them, they share a very important similarity. Neither is in a rush to do anything but enjoy the moment they're in. For those of us in those in between years, I think we’re missing out on that. Perhaps it's because we're caught up in our busy world, chasing achievement in our careers, equality with the Joneses and a sense of belonging amongst our peers.

While there's nothing wrong with looking towards tomorrow and striving to reach our goals, in doing so have we lost appreciation for where we are at that moment. How many of us "inbetweeners" pause for a minute or two to be grateful for what we’ve already accomplished, today, last week or last year? How many of us can simply stop and enjoy the moment we're in. When the last time you've felt content with where you are now?

On a recent summer trip to Maine, it clicked with me why people who live in large cities buy summer and retirement homes there. Maine is a quiet place, full of mountains, fresh water streams, brooks, and lakes, land that’s not inhabited by people. People are very laid back, yet have to work very hard for their money. As people rose at sunrise to voyage out on their boats for their daily catch, I couldn't help but notice that people seemed content.

Can you picture in your mind the mist on the mountains? Where all is quiet and it’s just you and your child enjoying each other's company. Can you put aside what happened yesterday or what you have to do tomorrow or next week, and simply experience the warmth of the sun? What types of activities are you doing with your child to ensure that they learn to stop and smell the roses? How are you influencing your children to enjoy the moment they're in. Sharing a sunset, going on a nature walk or even kicking around the ball in the backyard can be activities that force you to enjoy the here and now.

In Maine, it's not uncommon for younger boys to accompany the older men on their fishing trips. This was the case for one boy, who was heading out on a trip for his 14th birthday. As I watched him sit and listen intently to his elders, I saw that he was enjoying the moment and appreciative of the time he was spending with his grandfather and uncle.

Some of my greatest childhood memories are of spending time with my grandfather fishing in rivers and brooks for trout. Because of my grandfather's influence, I learned to stop and enjoy life. That's a lasting life lesson that still today, I am grateful for.

What Does Integrity Really Mean?

Does your child understand the meaning of integrity? Have you taken the time to sit down and talk with integrity about it? How do you influence your child to be a person of integrity? While your child may be able to define integrity as if it were a vocabulary word, can she explain it as part of her everyday life? Does she see integrity in you?

I recently received a phone call from a parent who started to see things spiral downward with her two preteen boys. The parents had strong convictions about raising independent children and they stressed the importance of responsibility based on maturity. Chores were delegated, an allowance was given, and the boys were expected to be honor roll students.

The downward spiral started when the boys became no longer accountable to their parents for completing their chores or earning good grades. In reality, the boy's parents were tired and got lazy about reinforcing consequences for chores not done and grades not achieved. This of course influenced the boys to become even lazier themselves. The frustration built and reached its boiling point. The boys could no longer be trusted and the parents reached out for help.

A person with integrity simply does what they say they are going to do. They have a moral code and ethical principles they adhere to. Their words and their actions don't conflict. They aren't two faced or two sided. They're transparent.

I think we'd all agree, integrity is something we'd all like our children to possess. We help our children develop their integrity by holding them accountable. If your child says she'll clean the litter box, we can influence her to follow through when she has trouble doing so on her own. Our help can come in the way of establishing manmade consequences, like the loss of a privilege, or by allowing her to experience natural consequences, like having the scent of a nasty, overflowing litter box penetrate her room (while her friends are over, of course).

When it comes to integrity, we set the example for our children. If our children see us following through, successfully managing our responsibilities and being truthful, by our influence, they'll end up being the same.

Connecting By Reinforcing Good Character

With many people being affected by the down economy, I have often pondered the impact it's having on our children. In many ways, a poor economy may be influencing households to return back to simplicity. Parents who are out of a job may have more quality time to spend with their children, families may be forced to stop spending on entertainment and to enjoy what nature has to offer in their own backyards, and most importantly, perhaps both grownup and kids alike will come to appreciate the things that money can't buy.

Many times due to busy work schedules it takes extreme situations to force us to find the free time to invest in our kids daily lives. As I hung out with a middle school boy recently, my heart was touched. We shared a conversation that started while we were in the kitchen making cookies. As we were pulling out the ingredients, we weren't sure if we had enough brown sugar to make our special treat. So as we were packing it into the measuring cup, we began to make bets. You know how it goes, "I'll bet you a dollar we do have enough" or" I'll bet you two we have to go to the store." As we were waging our bets, Peter suddenly said, "I don't care if I win any money. I'm not even going to tell Papa how many A's I got because I don't want to take his money."

I froze for a moment to internalize what he just said. I asked him why he wouldn't be willing to take money from his Papa, knowing full well his grandfather gives all the grandchildren money for each A they earn in school.

Peter responded, "because I know that he's been spending time going to the doctor for his elbow injury and he's going to be having surgery and that's what the money should be used for."

I just wanted to give this young man a great big hug for his tender heart. Instead I paused for a moment as I looked at him and said, “That's a great example of why I call you "the man." He smiled widely.

We finished making cookies, then played a few games, but I just couldn't stop thinking about our conversation.

The next day while we were out shooting some hoops, I asked some follow up questions like how he came up with the idea of not telling his Papa about his grades and if he had mentioned his plans to his parents. He confirmed that he came up with his plan on his own and hadn't spoken to anyone about it. He went on to say that he did tell his parents that if they needed money, they could take it out of his piggy bank, because he didn't have a use for it.

As my heart melted, I praised Peter for his compassion and commented at how kind and wise beyond his years he was.

When our children present to us the unexpected, how we respond can truly influence how they feel about themselves. While brushing off uncomfortable comments or jokingly making fun of a child's unorthodox ideas is something we may all do, perhaps we shouldn't. The power of our influence is strong. Strong influence builds strong kids.

The Next Stop of the Virtual Book Tour of Our New E-book-Parenting Responsively for Connection

2011-06-13T00:12:00.004-11:00

The Next Stop of the Virtual Book Tour of Our New E-book-Parenting Responsively for Connection will be here!

Tomorrow will be the 7th day of our virtual book tour. I am looking forward to share more information and an excerpt from the book!

For more information at this time, please see the below link :)

http://heartwiseparent.com/welcome-to-the-virtual-book-tour-for-new-e-book-parenting-responsively-for-connection/

Another group completed the Connecting Parenting Workshop

2011-06-02T19:58:00.002-11:00

With every group it is a new learning experience. I thank Michele, Martina, Aischa, Karen and Zeynep for their great participation. I am more than happy to say that we had a great journey of 7 weeks together. Here are their comments (Zeynep wrote in Turkish :)) :

"Its has been a great pleasure for me to be a part of this group.

I feel that you provided a warm setting for us to learn new skills, share ideas and questions.

I look forward to using these tools. Thanks."

Martina Elmaağaçlı

"It was a great adventure of learning and using the tool for parenting but more than that the feelingof being part of the 'parent community' with such good friends was so special.

I wish we could do a monthly class throughout the year, jsut to keep connected and to share our successes while parenting. Thank you very much! Cheers!"

Karen Dai

"Dearest Sedef,

This has been a very informative 7 weeks and I have enjoyed every minute of it. My kids are also happy I did it because it made them feel special. I will try and remember all that we talked about and use the tools more to improve the connection between me and the kids. Thanks again!"

Aischa Erten

"Thank you so much for help'ng me become a better parent and a better person. I've really seen a change with my relationship with my daughter. Healing our relationships with our kids is healing ourselves. I will keep all this in mind as the challenges and the kids get BIGGER! Thanks for opening your heart and sharing!"

Michele Karahan

"Sevgili Sedef,

Birlikte geçirdiğimiz zamandan çok zevk aldığımı ve uygulamaya gayret edeceğim pek çok yeni araç öğrendiğimi bilmeni isterim. Şimdiden daha çok dinlemeye ve daha az yargılamaya başladım. Ümit ederim daha da iyi olacak.

Teşekkürler."

Zeyep Şedele

"Give a little love to a child, and you get a great deal back." John Ruskin

2011-05-30T02:35:00.002-11:00

Photo: photostock

Alice Chase's poem...

2011-01-23T21:25:00.003-11:00

TO MY GROWN UP SON

Ask the parents of grown up children
And they will tell you
It is better to be able to say "I am glad I did"
Than to have to say "I wish I had"

My hands were busy through the day
I did not have much time to play
The little games you ask me to
I did not have much time for you

I'd wash your clothes; I'd sew and cook
But when you'd bring your picture book
And ask me please to share your fun
I'd say "a little later son"

I'd tuck you in all safe at night
Hear your prayers and turn out the light
Then tiptoe softly to the door
I wish I had stayed a minute more

For life is short and years rush past
A little boy grows up so fast
No longer is he at your side
His precious secrets to confide

The picturebooks are put away
There are no children games to play
No goodnight kiss, no prayers to hear
That all belongs to yesteryear

My hands once busy now lie still
The days are long and hard to fill
I wish I might go back and do
The little things you asked me to

--- Alice E. Chase---

Photographer: graur razvan ionut

Cirque du Soleil: Saltimbanco will be in Istanbul

2011-01-21T22:28:00.004-11:00

Here's a wonderful news for those who live or visit Istanbul. Cirque de Soleil Saltimbanco will be in Istanbul between February 19th and March 4th. You can order tickets at biletix.com.

An interesting excerpt to understand an important paradigm...

2011-01-20T21:02:00.005-11:00

We can not judge a child by his or her behavior.

Behavior's a communication of a met or unmet need.

Children need love and care regardless of their behavior.

Below excerpt defines this paradigm:

"In his closing discussion on loving-kindness, Buddhaghosa asks: "What is the proximate cause of loving-kindness?" The answer is the observation of lovableness in the person to whom you are attending.

Bring to mind right now someone whom you find lovable. It could be a person you have a romance with, or a child, or a dear friend, or a great teacher--someone to whom your heart would leap like a deer in the forest if this person were to walk through the door, someone whose presence is so lovable that a gladness arises on seeing him or her. If you can sense that in a dear friend, then try to seek out the lovableness of a neutral person. Then, finally, when you break down all the barriers, see it in a person who has done you injury.

It's a great key if you can seek out something to love, even in the enemy. Bear clearly in mind that this does not endorse or embrace evil. The crucial point here is to be able to slice through like a very skilled surgeon, recognizing vicious behavior that we would love to see annihilated as separate from the person who is participating in it. The doctor can be optimistic. A cure is possible: the person is not equivalent to the action or the disposition. Moreover there is something there that we can hold in affection, with warmth. That really seems to be a master key that can break down the final barrier and complete the practice.

One way of approaching this is to look at the person you hold in contempt, and try to find any quality he might share with someone you deeply admire and respect. Is there anything at all noble to be seen, anything that would be akin to what a truly great spiritual being would display? Focus on that: There is something there that you can love. The rest is chaff, that hopefully will be blown away quickly, to everyone's benefit. It is as if you could see a little ray of light from within, knowing that its source is much deeper than the despicable qualities on the outside. That light is what you attend to."

(p. 112)

--from The Four Immeasurables: Practices to Open the Heart by B. Alan Wallace, edited by Zara Houshmand, published by Snow Lion Publications

Labels...

2011-01-13T06:14:00.005-11:00

‎"Children with autism are not learning disabled, they are teaching challenges. The question is not whether they can learn...the question is, can YOU teach?"

~Dr. Vincent Carbone

I love this little quote. And actually I believe this is applicable to any child.

Every child is unique. The education system however, is very much product oriented. Schools work the same way, trying to educate masses of kids with same type of information.

An end product is a graduate.

I wonder whether this is really possible? I believe any kid is a teaching challenge. Some are easier to approach and some aren't. It is very much discriminating to label them and treat them according to those labels. Labels are only helpful to keep us mindful about the needs. But when we see the person and his label as one... then we start having problems.

Kids are kids whether they share a certain label or diagnosis. They are kids and each and every one of them is different. The question is can we see them beyond the labels we attach?

Do you express yourself with your words all the time?

2011-01-12T04:56:00.004-11:00

The other day, I found myself talking to our 6 year old Mira: “Honey I need you to express yourself with your words. I know that you are upset.......” and I went on and on! I thought it was nice that I was using my 'i' sentences instead of the blaming 'you' sentences. So I was happy with my speech. But then today I met my nonviolent communication buddy, Michele. The conversation we had made me revisit my behavior…

How many times during the day I choose to express myself with words and how many times I choose to just act my feelings out without any verbal communication? I realized that I am no different than my daughter whom I preached on expressing her upset feelings with her words.

So I am inviting you to also ask yourself: as an adult how many times do you choose to use your words to express your upset feelings and how many times do you just act them out in a given day?

Photographer: Arvind Balaraman

Learning experience is different today...

2011-01-11T01:14:00.001-11:00

The learning experience is different quite different than 20 years ago. The education system however stays quite static in its ways if teaching and evaluating... In this video Diana Laufenberg talks about "experiential learning", "empowering student voice" and most importantly "embracing failure". If we want to open up some room for creativity or at least not kill the natural creative potential of our kids\ we should embrace failure. Trying to be "perfect" is almost poisonous. It kills the natural way if enjoying the "process" and programs our kids to only focus on the "end product" which's scoring high on multiple choice tests...

Here's to the power of empathy :)

2011-01-06T01:59:00.001-11:00

Here's an interesting news piece from the Yahoo LookOut:

Anti-bullying program quashes playground gossip

Happy New Year!

2010-12-30T05:37:00.003-11:00

As a little gift from me to you, I wrote a poem :)

Hope you enjoy it!

And hope we'll have a great new year with our kids :)

Just love to live...

I love writing and leaving a piece of me as a trace of my existence

I love feeling the vastness of my soul

The way it reaches out and enfolds all around me

I love the feeling of joy when there’s the connection between us

I love just sitting there and breathing life and existence

I love seeing myself growing while helping, whomever I can reach, to learn and grow

I love feeling the tingle of change on my fingertips

Life is an ever-changing chain of events

And I can only feel content when I keep on learning and changing,

Giving and receiving, loving and loving more…………

Sedef Orsel December 30th, 2010

TEDxTelAviv - Hedy Schleifer - The Power of Connection

2010-12-24T21:36:00.001-11:00

I have been teaching Pam Leo's 'Connection Parenting' for awhile now... I fell in love with the concept of 'connecting'... It was a term defined what I was looking for as a mother in my relationship with my daughters. After learning to teach this 'Connection Parenting' method, I have started to use ever possible connection technique with anyone I meet.

In this speech Hedy Schleifer took my understanding of connection to a different height! I wanted to share :)

Her speech is my Christmas gift to you !

Please enjoy :)

Merry Christmas,

Sedef

Help me stop cyber-bullying.

2010-11-28T22:01:00.000-11:00

This teen girl has an important message! As a mother and a parent coach I ask you to please watch and/or share it. Bullying and cyber-bullying which's more of a sneaky version of bullying is a real problem today... I am proud of this young lady who took initiative! I believe our kids have actually all the resources and strength to deal with their problems. They just need support! And oh, if you'll listen to her till the end, you'll actually hear about what being a teenager is like today... So it's also insightful.

Sedef

RSA Animate - Changing Education Paradigms

2010-11-28T20:56:00.001-11:00

Education at public schools needs to be discussed and changed! Why? Please see below video!

This video may lead to a miracle in your kid's life...

Thanks in advance for watching :) And thank you Sir Ken Robinson.... and thank you RSA... And thank you Mert for informing me...

Parent Coach Sedef

More on 'caveman parenting'

2010-10-19T18:16:00.002-11:00

I wrote about Darcia Narvaez and quoted her article couple of weeks ago: http://parentcoachsedef.blogspot.com/2010/10/here-are-2-great-articles-about.html

MSNC made also another story out of her work... It is a nice piece of news material to read...

An easy to read and very informative article. I hope you'll enjoy it. The article is titled as:

"Is it time to return to caveman parenting?

Stone Age families didn't spank and relied on multiple caregivers to raise their kids, research claims"

Here is the link: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/39655015/?gt1=43001

This came as "Beautiful sentences - Must read"

2010-10-15T21:36:00.003-11:00

A friend of mine (Ozlem=http://pisikopati.blogspot.com/) sent me an e-mail with the quoted title above... There were 10 sentences in her mail. We don't know who wrote them... but they're fun to read... and they make you think!

So here they are:

1] Prayer is not a "spare wheel" that you pull out when in trouble, but it is a "steering wheel" that directs the right path throughout

2] Do you know why a Car's WIND-SHIELD is so large & the Rear-view Mirror is so small?
Because our PAST is not as important as our FUTURE. Look Ahead and Move on

3] Friendship is like a BOOK. It takes few seconds to burn, but it takes years to write

4] All things in life are temporary. If going well, enjoy it, they will not last forever. If going wrong, don't worry, they can't last long either.

5] Old Friends are Gold! New Friends are Diamond! If you get a Diamond, don't forget the Gold! Because to hold a Diamond, you always need a Base of Gold!

6] Often when we lose hope and think this is the end, GOD smiles from above and says, "Relax, sweetheart, it's just a bend, not the end!

7] When GOD solves your problems, you have faith in HIS abilities; when GOD doesn't solve your problems HE has faith in your abilities.

8] A blind person asked Swami Vivekananda: "Can there be anything worse than losing eye sight?"
He replied: "Yes, losing your vision!"

9] When you pray for others, God listens to you and blesses them, and sometimes,when you are safe and happy, remember that someone has prayed for you.

10] WORRYING does not take away tomorrows' TROUBLES, it takes away today’s' PEACE

Here are 2 interesting articles about food and nutrition... FOR THE HEALTH OF OUR CHILDREN WE NEED TO KNOW!!!

2010-10-12T18:29:00.004-11:00

First article is from USA Today:

MOM'S UNDERESTIMATE THEIR INFLUENCE ON KIDS' WEIGHT

By Robert Preidt, HealthDay

Most American women underestimate their ability to prevent obesity in their children, according to a new survey.

Research has shown that mothers have a stronger effect than fathers on a child's weight. But this survey found that while 87% of women believe a parent's obesity affects a child's risk of becoming obese, only 28% "assign that responsibility to themselves."

The WomenTALK online survey of 1,037 women 18 and older also found that only 11% of respondents know that a child's risk of becoming obese more than doubles if the mother is obese during her first trimester of pregnancy.

The survey was released Oct. 4 by HealthyWomen, an independent health information source for women.

Mothers are role models for their children's eating habits and also act as "gatekeepers" of food, explained Elizabeth Battaglino Cahill, the group's executive director.

"From an early age, children tend to eat the same foods as their parents, especially mothers, so exposure to nutritious foods like fruits and vegetables is not only setting a good example, but also positioning your child on a lifelong course of good health," she said in a HealthyWomen news release.

The survey was conducted in order to assess women's understanding about obesity and its impact on them and the health of their families. It found that most respondents know that obesity leads to an increased risk for health problems such as high blood pressure (93%), type 2 diabetes (89%), and heart disease (88%).

However, less than one-third of the women know that obesity is associated with increased risk of colon cancer (26%), gallstones (30%), and breast cancer (23%).

Most of the respondents (80%) agree that other people's obesity can influence their risk of becoming obese, but only 28% recognize the important role played by friends. Research has shown that a person is more likely to become obese if they have a friend who is obese (57% increased risk) than if they have a sibling (40%) or spouse (37%) who is obese, according to HealthyWomen.

"Women need to be their own advocates in the fight against all of these diseases, and understanding the influence that family and friends have on the likelihood that they will become obese is part of what's slowing them down," Battaglino Cahill said. "We need to help women understand that they have the opportunity to positively wield their influence by taking charge of their own nutrition and physical activity habits."

HealthyWomen has created an online resource center (healthywomen.org/womenTALK) that offers advice and health tools such as exercise videos, family-friendly recipes and calculators for body mass index and target heart rate.

"Empowering and educating women is the best way we know to break the cycle of obesity and promote healthy habits for the life of any woman and her loved ones," Battaglino Cahill said."

The next article is from Yahoo News:

McDonald’s Happy Meal resists decomposition for six months

Vladimir Lenin, King Tut and the McDonald's Happy Meal: What do they all have in common? A shocking resistance to Mother Nature's cycle of decomposition and biodegradability, apparently.

That's the disturbing point brought home by the latest project of New York City-based artist and photographer Sally Davies, who bought a McDonald's Happy Meal back in April and left it out in her kitchen to see how well it would hold up over time.

The results? "The only change that I can see is that it has become hard as a rock," Davies told the U.K. Daily Mail.

She proceeded to photograph the Happy Meal each week and posted the pictures to Flickr to record the results of her experiment. Now, just over six months later, the Happy Meal has yet to even grow mold. She told the Daily Mail that "the food is plastic to the touch and has an acrylic sheen to it."

Davies -- whose art has been featured in numerous films and television shows and is collected by several celebrities -- told The Upshot that she initiated the project to prove a friend wrong. He believed that any burger would mold or rot within two or three days of being left on a counter. Thus began what's become known as "The Happy Meal Art Project."

[DIY: Make happier meals for your kids at home -- just don't forget one key tip]

"I told my friend about a schoolteacher who's kept a McDonald's burger for 12 years that hasn't changed at all, and he didn't believe me when I told him about it," Davies told us. "He thought I was crazy and said I shouldn't believe everything that I read, so I decided to try it myself."

[Did you know? Before the Happy Meal, there was the Fun Meal]

Some observers of the photo series have noted that the burger's bun appears at different angles, and therefore aired suspicions that the Happy Meal may not in fact be as "untouched" as the project's groundrules stipulate. Davies says there's a simple explanation for the mobile-bun effect. "The meal is on a plate in my apartment on a shelf," she says, "and when I take it down to shoot it, the food slides around. It's hard as rock on a glass plate, so sure, the food is moving."

Click image to see more photos of the unchanging Happy Meal

Photo courtesy of Sally Davies

Davies' friend was the person who should have done the additional research. Wellness and nutrition educator Karen Hanrahan has indeed kept a McDonald's hamburger since 1996 to show clients and students how resistant fast food can be to decomposition.

As for Davies, she said that she might just keep her burger and fries hanging around for a while as well.

"It's sitting on a bookshelf right now, so it's not really taking up any space, so why not?" she said. It ceased giving off any sort of odor after 24 hours, she said, adding: "You have to see this thing."

[Video rewind: Gay-friendly McDonald's ad goes viral]

In response to Davies' project, McDonald's spokeswoman Theresa Riley emailed The Upshot a statement defending the quality of the chain's food. Riley's email also blasted Davies' "completely unsubstantiated" work as something out of "the realm of urban legends."

"McDonald's hamburger patties in the United States are made with 100% USDA-inspected ground beef," Riley wrote. "Our hamburgers are cooked and prepared with salt, pepper and nothing else -- no preservatives, no fillers. Our hamburger buns are baked locally, are made from North American-grown wheat flour and include common government-approved ingredients designed to assure food quality and safety. ... According to Dr. Michael Doyle, Director, Center for Food Safety at the University of Georgia, 'From a scientific perspective, I can safely say that the way McDonald's hamburgers are freshly processed, no hamburger would look like this after one year unless it was tampered with or held frozen.'" "

'Getting kids used to different realities' Phil Borges

2010-10-10T02:54:00.002-11:00

I love TED. It is a great pleasure for me to find out about different people and their work. This is how I first found out about Phil Borges.

Phil Borges is a dentist-turned-photgrapher and film-maker.

"For over twenty five years Phil Borges has lived with and documented indigenous and tribal cultures around the world. Through his work, he strives to create a heightened understanding of the issues faced by people in the developing world."

He gave a speech on TED in 2007. There are 2 sentences he uttered in that speech that won my heart besides the beautiful photographs he took:

"It is important to get kids used to different realities."
"We need to give kids a 'mental flexibility."

To achieve his goals Borges was involved in starting a very interesting website and project called "Bridges to Understanding". Here's how they describe their mission and vision on the www.bridgesweb.org :

OUR MISSION

Bridges to Understanding uses digital technology and the art of storytelling to empower and unite youth worldwide, enhance cross-cultural understanding and build global citizenship.

OUR VISION
Our vision is a harmonious, interconnected world in which youth are actively engaged as responsible global citizens."

On this TED talk that he gave during the year that Bridges to Understanding project was found, explains the importance of this project with great pictures and stories.

So whenever you have chance, please see this talk below... You'll see that there's always hope and love that goes around our old planet Earth :)

Here are 2 great articles about children and empathy... my thanks are for INTEGRAL OPTIONS CAFE :)

2010-10-09T00:48:00.005-11:00

'Integral Options Cafe' is a great blog! On October 7th there was a great post titled:

Alison Gopnik - 'Empathic Civilization': Amazing Empathic Babies

As I have been reading, learning and writing about empathy I felt over-joy! Alison Gopnik's article is dated February 2010. She is a professor of psychology and affiliate professor of philosophy at the University of California at Berkeley. Her article is very interesting and it confirms what I have been achieved to put together :)

And besides this article by Alison Gopnik there was another little news piece I lately posted on my Turkish blog by Darcia Narvaez. Darcia Narvaez is also a professor of psychology. She's a scholar at the University of Notre Dame who specializes in moral and character development in children.

Here are both of the articles:

"Empathic Civilization': Amazing Empathic Babies
Alison Gopnik
Posted: February 24, 2010
One of the best ways of understanding human nature is to study children. After all, if we want understand who we are, we should find out how we got to be that way. Until recently most philosophers and psychologists thought that babies and young children were profoundly amoral creatures. They also thought that children were irrational and egocentric -- unable to think logically or take the perspective of others. Jean Piaget and later Lawrence Kohlberg, the founders of the study of moral development, argued that children did not have truly moral concepts until adolescence. Instead, children simply thought that whatever other people told them to do was right.
In the last thirty years scientists have completely overturned this view. Even the youngest babies imitate the facial expressions of other people and take on their emotions -- a kind of empathy. This ability is NOT just the result of the much-hyped "mirror neurons" since, for one thing, mirror neurons have been found in monkeys who rarely imitate others. But it does show that human babies, in particular, are tuned in to other people in an especially close way.
By 18 months, babies have gone beyond empathy to genuine altruism, After all empathy just means I feel your pain, altruism means I try to make you feel better even when I don't feel that way myself. Betty Repacholi and I did an experiment with 14 and 18-month-olds. We showed them two bowls of food, one of raw broccoli and one of goldfish crackers. All the babies, even in Berkeley, like the crackers and don't like the broccoli. Then the experimenter ate some food from each bowl. Half the time she acted as if she felt the same way as the babies. But for half the babies she acted as if she was disgusted by the crackers and loved the broccoli, just the opposite of the way the babies felt themselves. Then she gave the babies the two bowls, held out her hand and said "Could I have some?" The 14-month-olds gave her the crackers no matter what she did. But the 18-month-olds actually went beyond immediate empathy to something more like genuine altruism. They gave her the crackers of she liked he crackers and the broccoli if she preferred the broccoli, They understood that the other person might want something different from what they wanted themselves, and they acted to make her happy. Other experiments suggest the same thing. Felix Warneken and Mike Tomasello found that 18-month-olds will crawl across a set of cushions to get a pen for a an experimenter who drops it out of reach -- and strains to get it back. But they won't do that if he purposely throws the pen to the ground.
By the time they are three children have taken these basic impulses towards altruism and empathy and turned them into a deeper and more genuinely moral kind of understanding. Judith Smetana and her colleagues asked children as young as two and a half about two kinds of rules in the daycare -- a rule about not dropping your clothes on the floor and a rule about not hitting other kids. Children said that breaking both kinds of rules would be bad. But they also said that the teachers could simply decide to change the first rule. They could declare that a messy room was OK and then it would be OK. In contrast, even the youngest children thought that it would NEVER be OK to harm another child, no matter what the teachers said.
If children are so good, if empathy and altruism are such a deeply-rooted part of human nature, then why are adults so bad? The impulse to evil seems to be as deeply rooted as the will to do good. Early empathy and altruism emerge in the close face-to-face intimate encounters between babies and their caregivers -- the most intimate relationships we ever have. But for genuine global morality we need to extend those feelings beyond our intimates to the six billion other human beings out there.
In fact, some studies suggest that by the time they are four, children already discriminate their own group from that of others, even when the groups are as arbitrary as Hutu and Tutsi or Serb and Croat. Children who are given a blue t-shirt rather than a red one to wear will then say that that they prefer to play with other children with a blue shirt. The human impulse to depersonalize "the others" seems as deep as the impulse to care about the people closest to you. Reestablishing that sense of personal intimacy with the "others" may be one of the best ways of bringing about global moral change."

This is the second article... Many newspapers printed parts of this article in different languages!

"How to Raise a Moral and Compassionate Child
Keith Haring
One theory is to parent more like our distant ancestors did.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Darcia Narvaez is a professor of psychology at the University of Notre Dame who specializes in moral and character development in children. She looked closely at how we're raising our children these days and found that we've stopped doing a lot of the things our ancestors in foraging hunter-gatherer societies did, and it's changing our kids for the worse.
According to Narvaez, our distant ancestors raised their babies with lots of positive touch (constant carrying, cuddling, and holding); breastfeeding for two to five years; and warm and prompt responses to cries and fussing, which “keeps the infant’s brain calm in the years it is forming its personality and response to the world,” she says. They also raised their children among other adult caregivers and let their kids play more with other children. All of this, she says, resulted in children who had better mental health, greater empathy, and higher intelligence than kids do now. "The way we raise our children today in this country," she argues in a write-up of her research, "is increasingly depriving them of the practices that lead to well-being and a moral sense."
For one thing, infants are spending more time in carriers, car seats, and strollers than they used to, she says, and by the time babies are a year old, only about 15 percent of mothers are still breastfeeding. Children are less likely to live with members of their extended family, and, of course, children play outdoors less than they did only a few decades ago. And many parents worry that they will "spoil" their baby if they're too responsive, she notes. But as Narvaez explains in a video interview:
We're finding that 3-year-olds who have mothers who are responsive are more cooperative, they're more self-regulated, and they have greater empathy. We're finding that kids, or 3-year-olds, with mothers who touch them a lot, who report picking them up, who report holding them, are more likely to be empathic; they have greater empathy than children who don't have mothers who touch them positively. These children who are touched a lot also have greater conscience development, they're more self-regulated, and they have more self-control. These are also related to moral development and moral behavior as adults. Mothers who have breastfed at all have children who have greater empathy. Again, this is related to how they behave as adults. "

On myths...

2010-10-06T02:57:00.005-11:00

Joseph Campbell has been a mentor, muse, and friend of mine across time through his books, articles and recordings. Below video is an all time favorite of mine.

Understanding and thinking of myths are quite important for us parents. As parents our jobs are not to control our kids' behavior, but to meet their needs. And when I say needs I am not only talking about their physical needs but all kinds! So myths are our great guides... and Joseph Campbell is a one of kind expert on this field... If you can't watch the entire video, please just watch the first 10 minutes. He talks about metaphors and how sometimes metaphors are granted as 'facts'... Just by understanding this little piece of knowledge we can raise children who respect each other’s differences :)

Thanks,

Sedef

In case... the below video doesn't work here's the link:

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=5703012694089642558#

Breastfeeding better than vaccines at preventing infection

2010-09-30T18:22:00.001-11:00

Breastfeeding better than vaccines at preventing infection

Here's more wonderful news on breastfeeding! You can find the link above for the original article by Etan A.Huff...

Breastfeeding better than vaccines at preventing infection

Thursday, September 30, 2010 by: Ethan A. Huff, staff writer

(NaturalNews) Researchers in Greece are urging mothers to exclusively breastfeed their babies for at least the first six months of their lives, based on new research findings. According to the study, babies who are exclusively breastfed for the first six months experience fewer infections than those who are either breastfed for a shorter period of time, or fed formula in addition to breast milk.

Professor Emmanouil Galanakis and his colleagues tracked nearly 1,000 infants for a year, keeping track of their health. They then evaluated how the children were fed throughout their early months of development, and compared the results. They found that fully breastfed kids had significantly fewerinfections than the other children.

"Mothers should be advised by health professionals that, in addition to all the other benefits, exclusive breastfeeding helps prevent infections in babies and lessens the frequency and severity of infectious episodes," said researchers.

Mothers' breastmilk contains vital antibodies, nutrients, vitamins and immunological factors that babies need to develop natural immunity to disease. In other words, breastfeeding is the optimal and natural way to instill immunity in children, eliminating the need for chemical-laden vaccines that often cause more harm than good.

The research also serves as another wake-up call to mothers everywhere about the importance of breastfeeding, not only for their children's health but also for their own.

"We know that breastfeeding is the default method of infant feeding for babies; good for mothers and good for...health," Janet Fyle from the Royal College of Midwives in the U.K. is quoted as saying in a recent BBC article. "This is why we need to continue our efforts to ensure that we maintain a high rate of breastfeeding."

This video and interview is not only about economy... It is about us, human beings... it is about life... and it is about our CHILDREN!!!

2010-09-28T02:40:00.004-11:00

This is an interview with the acclaimed Chilean Economist Manfred Max-Neef. He talks about economy today and tomorrow. He talks and explains very important issues in simple day-to-day language. Please spare 20 minutes and watch this video!!!

If the screen here doesn't work you can use this link: http://www.democracynow.org/2010/9/22/chilean_economist_manfred_max_neef_us

gratitude:

2010-09-27T19:51:00.003-11:00

‎"...the more you become a connoisseur of gratitude, the less you are a victim of resentment, depression, and despair. Gratitude will act as an elixir that will gradually dissolve the hard shell of your ego-your need to possess and control- and transform you into a generous being. The sense of gratitude produces true spiritual alchemy, makes us magnanimous-large souled." Sam Keen

INTERNATIONAL DAY FOR EMPATHIC ACTION (IDEA): OCTOBER 2ND 2010

2010-09-25T03:15:00.005-11:00

Here is a great IDEA by the www.worldempathy.org:

"7 days until October 2, 2010, All Day! All Around the World!

In every state, in every country, on every continent, people will gather in empathic listening, connecting, and action so that we may see all beings integrate suffering to become free, fully alive, and resolve differences peacefully.

International Day for Empathic Action (IDEA) Events and Activities will take place all over the world aware of each other to create unity, community, and a world-wide understanding of empathy."

So what's empathy?
Empathy is famously known as: "...standing in someone else's shoes."
Empathy is the state of being fully present to each other's feelings and needs.
The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines Empathy as:
1
: the imaginative projection of a subjective state into an object so that the object appears to be infused with it
2
: the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner; also : the capacity for this

Empathy is listening and understanding the feelings and values of another person’s perspective at any given moment in time.
Empathy is the state of being fully present to each other's feelings and needs.

BUT Empathy is not...:

agreeing...
being politically corret...
about being right or wrong!
showing affection or love.
passive but actually quite an active process. Listening, observing and internally opening to someone other than our selves requires active participation.

As parents of children of who live in a world where cultures meet not on the street but on TV screens, Internet pages, Facebook, Youtube, twitter and etc. at any given moment, we need EMPATHY more than ever!!! So this IDEA (INTERNATIONAL DAY FOR EMPATHIC ACTION) is very much needed. Please do share the link: http://www.worldempathy.org/ and give as much empathy as you can to your kids, family members, friends, colleagues, neighbours....

Enjoy this IDEA!!!

Sedef

A great birth story

2010-09-21T19:08:00.005-11:00

When I was pregnant with our first daughter, I read and watched as many actual birth stories as possible. Learning about different stories made feel comfortable about my unknown future and labor.

Joanna Goddard has a great blog called 'A Cup of Jo'. Recently she became a mother. She just posted the birth story of her cute son Toby on her blog:

http://joannagoddard.blogspot.com/2010/09/our-birth-story.html

I wanted to share her story with you... It's beautifully written :)

And Toby, we all wish you a healty, happy, lucky, long life that's full of with love and experience...

The nature of Stories (Myth) and their pedagogical function for society.

2010-09-17T21:44:00.005-11:00

In his play 'A Thousand Clowns' Herb Gardner makes his main character refuse releasing his 12 year old nephew to child-welfare and the protagonist says: 'I want him to get to know exactly the special thing he is or else he won't notice it when it starts to go. I want him to stay awake... I want to be sure he sees all the wild possibilities. I want him to know it's worth all the trouble just to give the world a little goosing when you get the chance. And I want him to know the subtle, sneaky, important reason why he was born a human being and not a chair. ' So here is one of the subtle, sneaky, important reason, why we are born human beings!!! I love Joseph Campbell :)) may his soul rest in peaceful eternity!!!

Joseph Campbell on Myth (Story) from John Kyle Creason on Vimeo.

Adele's great blog!!!

2010-08-10T00:38:00.005-11:00

Becoming a parent could be a great muse... And here is a great blog as a proof!

MILA'S DAYDREAMS

I woke up with a craving for an e.e. cummings poem:

2010-07-05T19:12:00.002-11:00

I enjoyed rereading this/one of his many wonderful poems... Hope you'll enjoy at least I enjoyed rereading this magical poem:

i carry your heart with me

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

e.e.cummings

Let's stop corporal punishment at schools:

2010-06-30T04:53:00.002-11:00

Kay is a fellow blogger... She's just alerted me about the

HB 5628, the bill which would end school paddling by tying bans to federal education funding.

Did you know these facts????

(1) Twenty states still allow corporal punishment in schools and over 223,000 school children are hit each year,

(2) Corporal punishment can lead to student injuries and law suits against school boards,

(3) Over fifty national organizations including the National Education Association, the American Medical Association and the American Bar Association oppose school corporal punishment.

You can find more on HB 5628 and how to help on Kay's blog:

http://mkaykeller.blogspot.com/2010/06/center-for-effective-discipline-calling.html

Please share this link with as many people as you can. WE CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE!!!

Cameron Herold: Let's raise kids to be entrepreneurs | Video on TED.com

2010-06-22T19:51:00.000-11:00

Cameron Herold: Let's raise kids to be entrepreneurs | Video on TED.com

NONVIOLENT COMMUNICATION

2010-06-09T03:50:00.003-11:00

"You can't make your kids do anything. All you can do is make them wish they had. And then, they will make you wish you hadn't made them wish they had. "
— Marshall B. Rosenberg

Violence could be found in our body language, in our tones or words when we communicate. Wouldn't it be nice to communicate in a way beyond rights or wrongs... Well if you do agree... please check out Nonviolent Communication web-site: http://www.cnvc.org/

Sir Ken Robinson: Bring on the learning revolution! | Video on TED.com

2010-06-04T08:46:00.001-11:00

Sir Ken Robinson: Bring on the learning revolution! | Video on TED.com

We humans are so wonderfully diverse... Our differences are the threads of a lovely tapestry we call life on Earth! This is a great speech recognizing this fact and addressing the issues related to education. Please watch, enjoy, think about what Sir Ken Robinson says and talk about it... Change starts with realizing, thinking, talking and acting...

So thank you TED and thank you Sir Ken Robinson!

PS I loved his earlier TED speech (2006) as well...

"Every child comes with the message that God is not yet discouraged of man. " Rabindranath Tagore

2010-05-20T07:26:00.002-11:00

Rabindranath Tagore
(7 May 1861 – 7 August 1941), also known by the sobriquet Gurudev, was a Bengali poet, Brahmo Samaj philosopher, visual artist, playwright, novelist, and composer whose works reshaped Bengali literature and music in the late 19th and early 20th centuries. He became Asia's first Nobel laureate when he won the 1913 Nobel Prize in Literature.
A Pirali Bengali Brahmin from Calcutta, Tagore first wrote poems at the age of eight.

2010-05-17T05:12:00.003-11:00

"You can't make your kids do anything. All you can do is make them wish they had. And then, they will make you wish you hadn't made them wish they had. "
— Marshall B. Rosenberg

Mother's Day and more

2010-05-04T18:24:00.003-11:00

If you'd went through my favorite-blogs-list... you must have seen "A Cup of Jo"... Joanna Goddard posted this ad that 'she'd stumbled across' ..... I found the picture so beautiful. I went on the net to find more about the campaign... Apparently this as campaign is from Australia... In April and May 2004 Breast Cancer Institute of Australia ran this ad campaign with the tagline "Please Give Generously" to encourage donations... The ad continued:
"In all probability you began your life at your Mother’s breast. Now, if we may say so, it is the time to return the favor.
If you make a donation to the Mother’s Day Breast Cancer Research Appeal, we’ll send you a card to give to your Mum, and all the proceeds from your donation will go to breast cancer research."
I found the message even more powerful than the picture. So I wanted to share it right away (This is the power of a good ad-campaign and the internet... it keeps on touching people after 6 years wherever they are on the planet and beyond).
Mother's Day is coming. We owe our lives and health to our mothers and their breast milk... Let's thank them by supporting our local breast cancer institutes, associations and etc. Wherever you are, however you'd prefer please show your support. Your support could be giving your time, energy, attention, love or money.........

My story

2010-04-29T03:30:00.008-11:00

OK this is something I have to write in English...(as I don't want my parents to read it.) Once it's out of my chest you will see what I mean...
Although I write about parents and kids from the parent's point of view... this time I will write as an adult child. Yes, I am still a daughter to my father and my mother... I am still their kid regardless of 14 years of marriage and two kids :)
I have had a distant relationship with my father who was diagnosed with lung cancer 5 years ago, right after I had my second daughter. I still remember feeling angry without understanding why... I couldn't pinpoint the exact source of my anger at the time.
We were lucky he had a successful operation. The entire left side of his lung was gone with the tumor inside. My father recovered fast! He was once more his old self. Our lives continued the same way as it was before.
Two and a half years passed... and cancer revisited his body on the (remaining) right side of his lungs. After long deliberations and a much more risky operation, the newly evolved two tumors were gone. This time he recovered a little slower... What about my anger??? It came back with the news but left sooner than the first time... This time I knew why I was angry: we spent 2,5 precious years without any improvement in our relationship with my father.
Well, after his recovery we went back to life as usual routines... But something in me has shifted. I decided to come to terms with him regardless of his behavior.
So it took me 2,5 more years to read, meditate and think about me and my father... and our relationship when I was a little child.
I thought about my teenage years...
I have identified the times his behavior has changed and become ever more distant.
I read about love...and realized that knowing that my father's love was not the same as feeling it!
I've always known he loved me... yet feeling and feeding on his love was missing.
I realized that he spoke a different language of love than mine.
His acts of service were his way of showing me that he loved me.
The distance I felt towards him was much longer than the distance he thought we had in between...
I realized that his experiences of parenting were quite different and worse than his actual parenting to me, and this was a relief on my behalf.
I remembered the fact that I could have never controlled his behavior but mine...and only mine...
SO I stopped feeling entirely responsible for my relationship with my father (children aren't born with any ideas about themselves... their belief on who they are would be shaped through their parents' behavior towards the kids. so however you treat your children they believe they deserve that behavior.......)
Finally, last month my parents asked me to accompany them on a 3-days journey to Paris. For three days, I got to be a kid again at the age of 40.
I am a blessed and lucky soul to have both my parents still alive at this age of my lifespan. And finally I felt myself in ease with JUST THE WAY THINGS ARE between my father and me.
Last but not least, we just learned that cancer is back again in the remaining part of his right lung. The next step in treatment hasn't been decided yet. On my part, I don't feel angry anymore. I am just sad. And it's just normal. I still feel VERY LUCKY... I wish and pray for his quality of life for the remaining time ahead...
Well, thanks for reading... I just wanted to write about my journey, as I believe that parenting is such a job that you can only retire once you'd take your leave from this life. Whatever the age they are, you're always the parent of your children... and you have heard the story of a 40-year-old girl who loves her father just the way he's.
Acceptance and compassion can come only after you can have some for yourself. It took me 40 years to come here, hope it'll take you less :)
Sedef
PS It's my father and me in Paris in the photo above...

The Smiling Game!!!

2010-04-17T21:26:00.002-11:00

Here is a little game that you can play with your kids:

Both the kid and the parent will try to come up as many reasons to smile as possible for a day... The one who finds more reasons to smile and smiles the most wins the game.......

It's a good practice on gaining a positive outlook on things... Worth a try :)

If there is one big NO in parenting, it's corporal punisment....

2010-04-13T04:17:00.002-11:00

And here is more evidence:

Study: Spanking Kids Leads to More Aggressive Behavior

By ALICE PARK – Mon Apr 12

A simple change can make a big difference!

2010-03-28T06:25:00.004-11:00

A friend of mine sent me the link to Jamie Oliver's talk "Teach Every Child About Food" on TED.

After watching this incredible talk, I recalled an interviewed with Dr.Mehmet OZ.

In that interview Dr.Oz was asking the audience to cut only 100cal from their daily diet by drinking less or no canned or processed juice and soda. He was pointing out the simple fact that making a slight change in our daily diets would help us fight with obesity. Jamie Oliver talks about the importance of home cooking! Please watch this talk and share the link with everyone and anyone who are parents or somehow involved with kids!

Temple Grandin: The world needs all kinds of minds | Video on TED.com

2010-02-24T09:44:00.000-11:00

Temple Grandin: The world needs all kinds of minds | Video on TED.com

2010-02-03T10:26:00.000-11:00

If you're feeling lost with a simple question from your kid just take deep breath, keep your cool and wait. Haste starts&escalates conflict.

Family

2010-02-01T08:25:00.005-11:00

Starting a family is the biggest decision in our lives. Whether you're a single parent or have a partner in crime it is the biggest decision in your life! That's what I truly believe.

Yes, there are other decisions in life that requires tons of preparation and hard work... yet the leap from being someone to someone's parent position is the greatest leap of all the leaps in your life.

Someone asked me the other day, when a parent's job as a parent would end... I thought real hard! I thought about the parents I know (including mine) whose kids have reached adulthood... And realized that they are still parents and now even grandparents...

Then I thought about the parents who lost their kids... And realized that they still carry the love of those kids in their mourning heart with all the unestablished dreams and unachieved desires...

Then I thought of parents who lost their babies during pregnancy or right after delivery... And realized that they mourn for the loss and still wonder what kind of relationship they would have or what kind of kids they'd turn out to be if they'd have survived...

So there's no end to parenthood before the parent takes a leave from this life... Therefore, yes the decision to become a parent is the biggest of all... BUT IT IS ALSO THE MOST REWARDING....

2010-01-31T09:06:00.001-11:00

Being a member of a family is great, but feeling accepted by that family is priceless for any kid.

Sedef

2010-01-10T19:48:00.002-11:00

Nothing is more liberating for your children than giving them the permission to be exactly as they are right now (and ever) :)

2010-01-03T20:40:00.004-11:00

Someone just asked my mission in life!

Here it's: Working with parents to increase the quality of life for children and their families.

Happy New Year!

2009-12-28T19:14:00.002-11:00

2009 is almost over. We are actually living in this moment, future and past combined. It is never helpful to beat yourself up about what should have been or what shouldn't have. What's left is being just in the moment and appreciating it with anything and everything attached.

I know that it sounds a little vague... so here's another try to clearly say it again:

Please don't hang on to whatever happened in 2009.
Just enjoy every moment in 2010.
If you want to laugh, just laugh.
If you want to dance or sing, go ahead... (you don't need to sound like an angel to sing!!!)
If you feel like crying, please don't stop your tears short!
If you feel like taking a walk, grab the kids, the dog and the hubby/wife, the friend... and take your walk whether short or long...
If you think about getting a haircut, go ahead and do it. You can always grow it back.

Just like dear late Joseph Campbell have said... please "Follow Your Bliss!"

The secret is to experience life! And to be able experience, there is no room left for procrastination... So it will sound like a Nike ad, but this New Year "Just Do It!"

With my best wishes for 2010 and always...

Sedef

10 different sources for good Christmas crafting ideas for kids...

2009-12-14T07:52:00.012-11:00

It's almost Christmas time. Here's list of web pages that have nice and creative (actually quite practical) handcrafted gift ideas for kids... You can have a wonderful time preparing them.

The children love to be with you and they love to create things... So instead of going to the mall and picking up a gift for grandparents, you can make it at home together :)

Have fun:

This page has age appropriate ideas... http://www.amazingmoms.com/htm/christmasgifts_from_kids.htm
This page has a lot of different ideas. I love the very first one: the cookie cutter candles :) http://familyfun.go.com/christmas/homemade-christmas-gifts/christmas-gifts-kids-can-make/
Christmas Coloring Pages & Activity Sheets on Disney pages are especially good http://familyfun.go.com/christmas/
Angels made by angels :)) http://crafts.kaboose.com/holidays/christmas/angels/index.html
I like the Tissue Paper Wreath... There are tons of other ides... http://crafts.kaboose.com/holidays/christmas/christmas-crafts.html
I loved Sarah, Jack and Sam's Make a gingerbread house and the Window angel http://www.activityvillage.co.uk/christmas_crafts.htm
Beaded Christmas Tree is quite nice http://www.allfreecrafts.com/christmas/index.shtml
For the Play Dough Ornaments there's real good recipe... http://www.robinsfyi.com/holidays/christmas/activities/christmaskidcraft.htm
Christmas Origami and good x-mas printables http://www.activityvillage.co.uk/christmas_pages.htm
Reindeer Gift Bag is real nice... http://www.apples4theteacher.com/holidays/christmas/kids-crafts/

Another Gem to Share...

2009-12-02T19:43:00.006-11:00

Deepak Chopra says "The internet is the global brain in cyberspace". Well that's right!

A global brain that inspires and changes it's users.

So I'd like to share with you one of the gems I found in this global brain of ours:

mistybliss' photostream

She's a mother of 6, lives in Australia, designs, knits and takes wonderful pictures!

Taking children's pictures can be a challenge for parents sometimes... Well, if you are in need of any inspirantion dear parents please check her out!

Thanks Michelle for being who you are, sharing what you have and inspiring us :)

PS The secret is: if someone can do it, so you can! Not the same way... In your own personal way, in your own personal journey you can achieve your dreams, as well!!!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

2009-11-26T03:04:00.003-11:00

We are living at such a day and age that things happen by a mere push of a button. Babies grow up watching lights turning on and off by a simple switch, TV coming on by the push of a single remote button. They watch adults punch in numbers on their phones and speak with loved ones... Even games are played by pushing buttons, or clicking the mouse... They grow up in a world where things are more taken granted than ever.

So 'Thanksgiving Day' becomes more important every passing year. Today is a day to realize the many luxuries we have. Although they seem like given facts of mundane events of life, we have tons to be thankful for. And it is an art to be learned. Parents are the greatest role models for their children. So today presents a wonderful chance to start teaching our children how to stop, realize and be thankful for all that we have in life.

Happy thanksgiving! I wish you a fun and loving day with your children and families :)

Sedef

To Parents: Be the change you want to see in your children

2009-11-20T01:22:00.003-11:00

It is never too late to change! Well, there's nothing you can change about "the absolute rule of change being the only constant in your life".

Given the fact that lecturing, criticizing and punishing actually never promotes 'real change'!!! We have only one relief! If you'd like to see a certain behavioral change in your child's behavior, you have to check out the model, and that'll be you as the parent.

Once the model starts to change, the child will record (conscious or unconscious) the new much desired behavior... In due time the child will start demonstrating change, as well.

I know it sounds too simple but requires a lot of time and effort. Yet, growing up requires a lot of effort regardless of age! So as parents we keep on growing with our children!!!

Hallelujah :)

2009-11-19T20:17:00.001-11:00

“Be the change you want to see in the world.”

Mahatma Gandhi

"To Parents: Be the change you want to see in your children"

Sedef

2009-11-19T09:00:00.003-11:00

“The law of love could be best understood and learned through little children”

Mahatma Gandhi

Don't take it personally!

2009-11-12T04:24:00.003-11:00

One of my favorite parenting books is called "When Your Kids Push Your Buttons and What You Can Do About It" by Bonnie Harris. She has a chapter in the book titled: 'Don't Take It Personally-They're Not Out to Get You'... This specific chapter starts with a great quote that sums it all quite nicely:

"But it is not what I am saying that is hurting you; it is that you have wounds that I touch by what I have said." Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements

When we start to think that our kids manipulating us, or behaving in such a manner to get on our nerves... That means our attention is focused on our own wounds and feelings. We are focused on how our children's behavior makes us feel!

But for a moment, if we can stop taking it personally, we can see that it's not about us! It's about our kids. There must be a reason behind their behavior. Finding out that reason and catering towards our children's feeling will be a great aid in parenting. And that investigation starts with remembering the simple fact that whatever our children's behavior are, they are caused by needs! So please don't take your children's behavior personally!!!

2009-11-05T20:47:00.002-11:00

Did you know that the two very simple and fun activities we call dancing and singing can help enhance your relationship with your children?

So start singing all those silly songs with your kids today!

And why not even dressing up for a little dance together :)

Having fun is the softest balm of love!

Enjoy!

Sedef

“Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas” Paula Poundstone

2009-11-03T04:14:00.002-11:00

Creativity is a natural process! Yet we find it harder to be creative as we grow up.

What makes is it any different as the years pass?

The kids are not afraid to make mistake... Or in other words they don't know what a mistake is! Mistakes are man defined! There is no such thing as a mistake for kids... So why would they be afraid?

How about you? Are you afraid of making mistakes? Do you allow your children to make mistakes? Do you allow yourself to make mistakes in front of your children?

In order to boost your creativity please start letting yourself make at least one small mistake everyday...

"At the age of six I wanted to be a cook. At seven I wanted to be Napoleon. And my ambition has been growing steadily ever since. " Salvador Dali

2009-11-02T00:18:00.007-11:00

What does your children want to be? What are their dreams? Do you help them widen their horizon to see the many possibilities that they may become? You can visit museums, go to concerts and shows... But most importantly you can listen to them talk and play with them to see what they understand from the world that engulfs them... Then you can cater their needs and help them pursue their dreams...

Sedef

2009-10-24T00:25:00.001-11:00

It's time to take a short break! I will be away for a week :)

10 minutes a day!

2009-10-20T19:16:00.004-11:00

Obviously there are many many gifts that parent can give to their children. Yet your attention always is the one to stand out! Children crave for and thrive with their parents' undivided attention.

So please try to squeeze at least 10 minutes a day for each of your children in your daily agenda. That 10 minutes will be their time! A total union of a parent and child for at least 10 minutes a day will help you solve many crises before they occur.

Try to listen to your child during those ten minutes without giving your opinion... just listen! Or watch whatever they're watching, listen to whichever song they're listening. Try to suppress the urge of telling them how your childhood was, the kinds of music you used to listen to... Or play with them. Simply go down on your knees and elbow to join their game of Lego, Barbies, puzzles etc....

I know it's harder than it sounds when you put it into action. Yet this is the most effective way to stay connected with your children. Once you're connected, everything comes smoother... Even the high waves of teenage years :)

Have fun,

Sedef

2009-10-18T20:21:00.002-11:00

"I am afraid we must make the world honest before we can honestly say to our children that honesty is the best policy. "

George Bernard Shaw

2009-10-17T00:45:00.002-11:00

I never teach my pupils. I only attempt to provide the conditions in which they can learn.

Albert Einstein

2009-10-16T07:28:00.001-11:00

Can you remember the best parenting advice you got (from anyone) ?

"quality time" vs "high quality time"

2009-10-15T07:57:00.004-11:00

OK spending "quality time" with your kids is a winner... BUT spending "high quality time" with your kids is the CHAMP!

What's the difference?

Taking your kids to the playground and watching them running around is "quality time"

Taking them to the playground and playing tag with them and running around together is the "high quality time"........

2009-10-14T02:05:00.005-11:00

“Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up.”

Pablo Picasso

Involving kids in daily chores...

2009-10-13T02:05:00.006-11:00

"Tell me, I forget. Teach me, I remember. Involve me, I understand"

This is a Chinese Proverb!

So the question is: how much do you involve your kids in daily tasks?

There are two things children love the most!!!!

to be together with you
to be able to do the things adults do

So, asking them to help you with age appropriate house chores will not only help building self-worth, self-esteem. They will learn to take responsibility, feel that they belong to a certain group... they will learn and understand how to be a member of a social group.

The key is to share the experience with them... So don't just give them a job and leave them on their own! But do it together!!!

Have fun!

Sedef

2009-10-08T18:22:00.002-11:00

"If there is anything that we wish to change in the child, we should first examine it and see whether it is not something that could better be changed in ourselves." C.G. Jung, Integration of the Personality, 1939

2009-10-06T18:43:00.001-11:00

"Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you." Robert Fulghum

Sedef's Parenting Corner

Let's raise kids who are happily themselves but not a copy of anyone who looks popular...

This is the very reason why I love teaching "Connection Parenting"

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

A new article from Psychology Today on babies and crying

How do babies think?

“Love can only be experienced in the present.” Naomi Aldort author of “Raising Our Children Raising Ourselves”

An interesting article... and food for thought!

'TECHNOLOGYOnline Learning, PersonalizedBy SOMINI SENGUPTAPublished: December 4, 2011At least 36 schools nationwide are combining teacher-led lessons with computer-based lectures and exercises using a software program based on Salman Khan’s popular YouTube lessons.'

Father's Day...

Just about love :)

Parenting Responsively for Connection - Excerpt from Lesa Day

The Next Stop of the Virtual Book Tour of Our New E-book-Parenting Responsively for Connection

Another group completed the Connecting Parenting Workshop

"Give a little love to a child, and you get a great deal back." John Ruskin

Alice Chase's poem...

TO MY GROWN UP SON

Cirque du Soleil: Saltimbanco will be in Istanbul

An interesting excerpt to understand an important paradigm...

Labels...

Do you express yourself with your words all the time?

Learning experience is different today...

Here's to the power of empathy :)

Anti-bullying program quashes playground gossip

Happy New Year!

TEDxTelAviv - Hedy Schleifer - The Power of Connection

Help me stop cyber-bullying.

RSA Animate - Changing Education Paradigms

More on 'caveman parenting'

"Is it time to return to caveman parenting?

Stone Age families didn't spank and relied on multiple caregivers to raise their kids, research claims"

This came as "Beautiful sentences - Must read"

Here are 2 interesting articles about food and nutrition... FOR THE HEALTH OF OUR CHILDREN WE NEED TO KNOW!!!

McDonald’s Happy Meal resists decomposition for six months

'Getting kids used to different realities' Phil Borges

Here are 2 great articles about children and empathy... my thanks are for INTEGRAL OPTIONS CAFE :)

"Empathic Civilization': Amazing Empathic Babies

Alison Gopnik

"How to Raise a Moral and Compassionate Child

On myths...

Breastfeeding better than vaccines at preventing infection

Breastfeeding better than vaccines at preventing infection

This video and interview is not only about economy... It is about us, human beings... it is about life... and it is about our CHILDREN!!!

This is an interview with the acclaimed Chilean Economist Manfred Max-Neef. He talks about economy today and tomorrow. He talks and explains very important issues in simple day-to-day language. Please spare 20 minutes and watch this video!!!

gratitude:

INTERNATIONAL DAY FOR EMPATHIC ACTION (IDEA): OCTOBER 2ND 2010

A great birth story

The nature of Stories (Myth) and their pedagogical function for society.

Adele's great blog!!!

MILA'S DAYDREAMS

I woke up with a craving for an e.e. cummings poem:

Let's stop corporal punishment at schools:

Cameron Herold: Let's raise kids to be entrepreneurs | Video on TED.com

NONVIOLENT COMMUNICATION

Sir Ken Robinson: Bring on the learning revolution! | Video on TED.com

"Every child comes with the message that God is not yet discouraged of man. " Rabindranath Tagore

Mother's Day and more

My story

The Smiling Game!!!

If there is one big NO in parenting, it's corporal punisment....

Study: Spanking Kids Leads to More Aggressive Behavior

A simple change can make a big difference!

Temple Grandin: The world needs all kinds of minds | Video on TED.com

Family

Someone just asked my mission in life!

Here it's: Working with parents to increase the quality of life for children and their families.

Happy New Year!

10 different sources for good Christmas crafting ideas for kids...

Another Gem to Share...

mistybliss' photostream

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

To Parents: Be the change you want to see in your children

“The law of love could be best understood and learned through little children”

Mahatma Gandhi

Don't take it personally!

“Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas” Paula Poundstone

"At the age of six I wanted to be a cook. At seven I wanted to be Napoleon. And my ambition has been growing steadily ever since. " Salvador Dali

10 minutes a day!

"quality time" vs "high quality time"

Involving kids in daily chores...

'TECHNOLOGY
Online Learning, Personalized
By SOMINI SENGUPTA
Published: December 4, 2011
At least 36 schools nationwide are combining teacher-led lessons with computer-based lectures and exercises using a software program based on Salman Khan’s popular YouTube lessons.'