One of my favorite parenting books is called "When Your Kids Push Your Buttons and What You Can Do About It" by Bonnie Harris. She has a chapter in the book titled: 'Don't Take It Personally-They're Not Out to Get You'... This specific chapter starts with a great quote that sums it all quite nicely:
"But it is not what I am saying that is hurting you; it is that you have wounds that I touch by what I have said." Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements
When we start to think that our kids manipulating us, or behaving in such a manner to get on our nerves... That means our attention is focused on our own wounds and feelings. We are focused on how our children's behavior makes us feel!
But for a moment, if we can stop taking it personally, we can see that it's not about us! It's about our kids. There must be a reason behind their behavior. Finding out that reason and catering towards our children's feeling will be a great aid in parenting. And that investigation starts with remembering the simple fact that whatever our children's behavior are, they are caused by needs! So please don't take your children's behavior personally!!!